DM, Forgiveness, and Blogging

Wow. It’s been a while. This blogging thing is kind of failed. I guess I don’t even have time to read other people’s blogs, I don’t know how I can keep up with my own blog.

DM. Great Experience. Although it was long and tiring, it was fun just dancing for 30 hours. It was like a gigantic club/concert/sports event combination. It was awesome seeing everyone running towards food committee when they walk in. It was just great watching people spend their energy on a good cause, and raising over 1 million dollars.

However, it was hard, because in general I dislike large groups of people. Being with so many people, could feel extremely lonely at times, especially when everyone else seems to be having the time of their lives. It was also weird seeing all the sorority girls in their shirts, it makes me wonder if I should have gone through with rush.

Forgiveness. Something hit me this Sunday. I guess I’ve always known it, but I finally understand the extremity of the idea. We were talking about true repentance. It was something that I never truly understood. If you repented, but you sinned again, did you really repented? Does that mean if you’re never saved? And it suddenly dawned on me. We were saved by grace. When Jesus died on the cross, He saved us from our past sins, our current sins, and sin we never knew we had. Repentance isn’t just turning away from sin, because if it is, we would all fail. We are sinful human beings, and without grace, we’re nothing.

True repentance comes when we turn to God. When we realize the sacrifice that He made on the cross, when we realize that we are the ones who nailed the nails into the palms of His hands, when we understand how so amazing that is, we can’t help but turn towards God, and turn away from sin. And that is when true repentance happens. Not saying that Christians don’t sins, but when we do and we realizes, and even if we slightly turn back to God, He’s there running out to greet us, like the father in the Prodigal Son story.

NOSB

The NOSB regional competition for Massachusetts is this Saturday. Some people who talk to me randomly always ask me how I know so many random facts about the oceans or the weather. The reason is because National Ocean Science Bowl was a big part of my life in high school.

One of the reasons I loved NOSB so much was because I was part of something. Quoting Glee “Being a part of something special makes you special.” I was never into/or good at sports in high school, but NOSB made me feel like I was part of a team. My friends were not just my friends, they were also my teammates. In the beginning, I was the only freshman on the team. While that was discouraging, it was really nice, because I got to know so many upperclassmen.

Junior year, when we made it to nationals, it was surreal. Yet, it was one of my greatest experience in high school. When we won 2nd at Nationals (suturing, remember guys), it was sad, but our trip to Catalina was amazing.

There are two things about NOSB that I love the most. One of it is learning just how amazing the ocean is. The second is to be part of this community and this team.

I still have yet to see this movie. But looking at the trailer, I hope you’ll realize how great the oceans are.

To all the current NOSB team members, I hope you guys beat LS in competition this Saturday, and I hope you’ll get something out of NOSB, like I did. To past team members, or people not competing this year, I hope you’ll be able to look back on your experience as fondly as I do.

No Coffee

Past two weeks have been a lot better than the first week back. Winter retreat was pretty relaxing and fun. I did sleep most of the time. I guess I’m turning old.

In other news, I have not have coffee/tea/coke since Jan 16th. It IS kind of a big deal, considering during Hopi I drank 3 cups of coffee a day. I am sleeping more, however, I have a lot more time to work, because I go to sleep really early 12AM, and wake up really early 8AM. When I wake up no one else is awake, so there’s nothing to distract me. This means I miss out on a lot of late night dorm fun though. Another interesting thing to notice is that I’m just as hyper as usual, which means caffeine had very little to do with my awkwardness (I don’t know if that’s good or bad).

As most of you probably figured out, I’m doing Dance Marathon 2011 at Northwestern. DM is a 3ohr event, which raises money to donate to the Children’s Heart Foundation. In order to dance though, your partner and you have to raise $800. We still need a lot of money, so I would really appreciate it if you guys would donate (shameless plug) http://nudm.org/donate/ Type in Christine Hsiao and Geneve Ern Ong for Dancer. Also, if you need freelance design work done, Geneve is an amazing artist, and I think she would do it for money for DM.

1 Week

It’s only been a week, and I’m behind on my work already. I’m already sick. I’m already too physically exhausted to care. It feels like I’ve been back at school for forever, yet this week past by like a blur.

I feel kind of lost back at school again. Classes are harder than I thought they would be. It’s only been a week, and I’m almost at the point of not caring anymore. I think I need to find the proper motivation for school. I showed up to EA on Thursday and ended up having a quiz I didn’t know about. It was really scary, because I don’t exactly work well under pressure.

Sorority Recruitment. I withdrew from recruitment today. I was really excited about recruitment on Thursday. It was great meeting all these people that I didn’t know. I had a great time. But over the weekend it just got really exhausting. During recruitment, it was really fun, I loved talking to people, but when I got back to my room, I just felt horrible. I met so many genuinely nice girls, who I could probably be really great friends with. However, I think I’m done with it, at least for now. I was having a whole debate about whether or not to go through with it last night. At the end of the night, I kind of looked in front of the mirror, and I didn’t even recognized the girl I saw anymore. In the next few days, I’ll probably just stay in sweatpants and sweatshirts, I’ve had enough girlyness for a while. If I really want to, I’ll spring rush or something.

Something really hit me this week too. I really don’t know how to share the Gospel. I miss those colorful bracelets we had with verses on them. But I’m just amazed at how amazing God is at opening opportunity to share His work with my friends. While I feel like I’m so unfit for this, I also realize how God is truly not a God of efficiency  (as someone kept repeating to us before Hopi) and I should be thankful to take part in something as great as His plan.

2010

I started 2010 watching fireworks with friends in Boston. And I ended 2010…watching tv on the computer at home. Just shows how much things have changed.

I’m going to try to blog for 2011 so I won’t forget things as easily. Also, it’s a good way to actually think about my life, rather than going through life blind. What better way to start than a reflection on 2010.

The year started off great. Second semester senior year was the best. I took advantage of my numerous free blocks and made a couple of new friends. For the first time in high school, I was actually enjoying high school. Of course my grades went down. Not that it really matters much. However, the habit of not studying kind of also carried over into college.

Winter retreat. It was my last high school retreat. To tell you the truth, it was slightly disappointing. Everything just seems so mediocre. On the good side, it was one of the first time our class really spent time with each other, just lying there on the ice outside at night. It was beautiful. It was also during winter retreat that I thought I knew who my real friends were, however I’m not so sure.

College decisions. During this time, I was really discouraged. It seemed like all I were getting were rejections. Of course the first rejection I got had to be my dream college. Not that it was a surprise. It was hard for me, because I kept thinking that I deserve to get in a particular college, when in reality each acceptance is a gift from God. I guess one of the main lessons from 2010 is accepting God’s sovereignty over my life.

Hopi 2010. Amazing. It was two of the most physically and emotionally tolling weeks of my life, and yet also the most rewarding weeks of my life. I could go on pages on this topic, but I’ll be concise. It just hurts to see the environment that these sweet children grow up in. It was also the first time I truly felt my heart broken for these children. As the older girls talked to me about boys, drugs, and their family, all I could think was that they could do so much better, if only they could see how much God loves them. In essence, I think that’s how God loves me, as sinful as I am, He still loves me and His heart breaks when I sin.

Fall quarter. College has been great. I met so many amazing and caring upperclassman. It’s the first time I’ve really felt “taken care of” in a long time. I missed home a bunch of times, but I’m just so thankful for the “family” I’ve found in college. I’m also really thankful to have an amazing roommate, who is pretty much the kindest person I’ve ever met. Amazing people on my floor, who just made me feel so comfortable in college, which really help with my homesickness. And all the friends I made, thinking about you guys just makes me so happy. I know I often miss home, but I think in the end I just miss feeling like I belong somewhere.

Classes kind of sucked a lot. I had no motivation for any of my classes, and it doesn’t help that I don’t have a clear career choice. I’ll figure that out sometimes soon I hope.

I feel like I’ve changed throughout this year. I was packing to come back home, and I realized how many pairs of shoes I owned. I’m definitely a lot more girly than I was a year ago. However, according to some people I’m a lot more aggressive now coming back from college, that I “don’t take crap from anyone anymore”. I think that’s an improvement…?

Winter Break. It was weird coming back for the first time after being away for so long. Walking through the hallway of the school and not recognizing any of the underclassmen. Going to ALIVE and seeing people I haven’t seen in forever is bittersweet. I missed everyone, but at the same time I didn’t feel like I belonged anymore. Visiting MIT was interesting. I got to see my “dream” college through a different set of eyes. However, it was really sad that I didn’t get to see a lot of my friends. Maybe next time.

Some things I realize

1. What a great youth group I had in high school. Looking back, ALIVE was amazing. Although I was just ready to leave, I realized that I really do miss it. I can’t be more thankful for all the counselors and Pastor Sandy. Maybe more on this later.

2. I lack a “group”. I never have a group of close friends, I don’t really know why. I’m not particularly sure I like this.

3. I have really high expectations for myself and for others around me, and when I myself don’t live up to my own expectation, I end up feeling really crappy.

Resolutions

So I’ve always been really bad with new years resolution. Let’s hope college changes me.

1. Be a better friend. I’ve realized throughout this year that I’m actually a really horrible friend, I don’t mean to be, but sometimes I don’t think, and sometimes I’m really selfish.

2. Not skip class. I don’t have anymore 8:30 am classes, and my furthest class is actually only at Leverone, so I shouldn’t skip class.

3. Spend time for myself. In college you’re always surrounded by people, but as I’ve learned sometimes that feels the loneliest. I need to learn that I actually am an introvert who needs time for myself.

4. Focus on the things that make me happy. I tend to complain and be emo a lot, the emotions are real, however at the same time when I look back upon it, it’s never as bad as when I’m going through them.